I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
