dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
