i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
