that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
