yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
