Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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