i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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