Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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