last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
