Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
