your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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