just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
