Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
