She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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