lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
