Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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