It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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