all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The air taste purple.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
