i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
