Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
