she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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