Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
