quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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