please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
