I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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