Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Me. At least after what I've been through.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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