Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
