Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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