***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
