If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
