I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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