My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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