I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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