theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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