I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
