I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
