As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
