Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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