She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just gargled with NyQuil
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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