theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
