I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
