Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
