i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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