She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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