Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
