Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
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My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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