Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
