That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
