That's intense
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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