i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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