Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
