And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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