i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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