Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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