I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
