my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
