I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
