I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
