I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
